حسنًا, افلام سينما امل ألا سيما روم ميراكولوس الموسم الخامس أراك ثانية

كيف افلام اكشن 2023 مترجم كامل جديد حالك, دوج؟

لقد عدنا

أيتها افلام كرتون افلام ماي سيما السيدات, ايجي بست لا سيما منهو ولدنا ماي سيما ماي وقت فاصل اعلاني الافلام أحد يهتم لإعادة

هيكلة فاصل فشار افضل افلام افلام واي سيما حي "جامب افلام ديزني ستريت"

و افلام مصريه وي سيما 2022 لكنكما من اشهر افلام سيما فور يو الجريمة من 6 حروف فيلم محظوظان

إلى الان, لقد أستثمر الكثير ماى سيما من المال

لجعل وى سيما "جيمب ماي سينما ستيريت" حيًا

المشكلة وي سينما الوحيدة أن الكوريين قد أعادوا

شراء الكنسية, لذلك سنقوم بتوجيكما إلى

الطريق المعاكس

أنتما افلام نتفلکس 2022 الإثنان افلام جوني ديب الأحمقان

ستذهبان سيما لايت افضل افلام 2023 افلام عالم سكر مصرية كوميدية 2023 إلى الجامعة

أنا تعبت جدًا

سنذهب افلام فيلم سطار السعودي سيما كلوب المؤسس عثمان الموسم الرابع سيما كلوب نتفلکس 2023 لأي فور يو من تلك سيما كلوب النشاطات

نسأل عن بديل ماي سيما فيلم موقع سيما لايت سطار السعودي افلام رعب افلام هاي سيما اكشن 2022 المخدرات

و افلام اون لاين نكتشف من هم افلام هنديه 2023 موقع وي سيما المروجون

هل افضل افلام 2022 علينا فعل ذلك؟

سوف تتأذى

أنا ويسيما لن أتأذى

لقد كسرت مؤخرتي

نحن افلام رعب 2023 مثل افلام اكشن العشيقين

نحن مثل ريهانا و افلام هندي 2023 كريس افلام هندية 2023 براون

أنت افلام افلام مصرية كوميدية 2022 عربي راقص موقع سيما جيد

و مسلسل the last of us موقع ماي سيما أحيانًا تكون أسوأ من أن تكون جيدًا

نحن جيمب موقع ماي سيما ستريت

و نحن على وشك أن ماي سيما بالطو نقفز على افلام موقع افلام بدون اعلانات اكشن 2022 مترجم كامل جديد عرب سيد مؤخرتك

علينا أن مشاهدة افلام مصريه 2023 افلام موقع افلام افلام مصرية موقع سيما كلوب 2023 افلام شاهد فور يو نستشير خبيرًا

مرحبًا

حسنًا ايجي بست الأصلي افلام 2023 سيد سيما للجميع والترز, سيما فوريو على أن أعتذر افلام هنديه موقع شاهد فور يو 2022 شاهد 4 يو سيما فور لك

على افلام اكشن lone star 9-1-1 season 1 ماي سيما 2023 سينما ايجي بست افلام فلم إطلاق النار على افلام مصرية 2022 عضوي الذكري

لا افلام سيما روم هندية 2022 بأس

لقد افلام سيما تويتر أعطوني مهبلاً

خمنوا افلام هندي شاهد فور افلام موفيز اجنبي ماذا؟

أنا عاهرة إيريك

لا, افلام 2022 أنت لست افلام ديزني we cima 2022 كذلك

أجل, أنا كذلك

أنت تمتلك افلام مسلسل الاصلي توم كروز فشار افلام فور يو افلام مترجمه افلام رعب افلام 2022 مؤخرته

يا افلام هندي 2022 إلاهي

مرحبًا افلام ديزني 2023 شاهد فور يو إيريك

Subtitling: fewat.com

(Narrator reading)

(School bell ringing)

You're a fucking nerd.

Boy, you lucky

you even graduating.

Schmidt: Fuck!

All: Oh!

You're good at this, huh?

Yeah.

You're really good

at this.

Yeah.

Hey, you want to

be friends?

Yours isn't

loaded, right?

(Both gagging)

Just touch it.

I'm scared.

Just touch it.

Seriously. All right,

all right, all right.

You took a bullet for me, man.

You shot me

in the dick!

Boom, motherfuckers!

You two sons of bitches

are going to college!

Yin is characterized

as slow, soft, passive

and is associated with

water and femininity.

While, Yang, by contrast,

is fast and solid and...

Man, this is bs.

I thought we were going

to actual college,

not online college.

Listening for

coded messages

in lectures.

(Scoffs) What are

you talking about?

Look around.

This is our city.

What do we want to

be in college for?

You're right.

Partners for life.

At Metro city port,

the tide comes in

Then it will

return to the sea.

Metro port.

One hour.

¶ ¶

let's do this.

¶ Turn down for what

¶ turn down for what

surprise.

There's two more arms.

¶ ¶

¶ turn down for what

¶ turn down for what ¶

shit! That's the ghost.

Jenko: The ghost?

Joste nillsen,

biggest trafficker of

illegal goods in Metro city.

He teamed up with

a Mexican cartel

and they're running

all this shit

through the port.

What the hell

are we supposed

to be buying?

I don't know.

What are you doing?

Huh?

I got a new identity

that's gonna be killer.

I'll be throwing it to you

to make it legit.

(Sighs)

Okay.

I'm gonna need you

to improvise. Okay?

I don't want to improvise.

I'm gonna need you

to improvise.

I suck at improvising.

I don't want to do it.

I need absolute silence

while I fall into character.

I need absolute silence

while I fall into character.

Can you give me

a hestart on...

I need absolute...

I need absolute silence.

Can you please...

Absolute silence.

¶ ¶

jenko: Are you fucking

serious right now?

All right.

I hate people

who are late.

(Speaking Spanish)

We're trying to

see that product.

Shit!

Yo, sleepy!

What's up, homie?

You know my cousin,

sboy.

I think you got

the wrong guy, homes.

Oh, that's bullshit, man!

You sleepy!

Everyone say

in the barrio,

"sleepy, he like

the Mexican Wolverine"

and shit.

Hey, my partner here,

he want to see

the product.

Why ain't he talking?

(In foreign accent)

My name is Jeff.

That's jeffe, man.

Tell 'em about

mousie's quinceanera, man.

Tell 'em about

that crazy adventure

you guys h

I don't know what

you're talking about.

Oh, man, when you were

telling the story

last night,

you hso much detail!

The detail was so rich!

It was rich detail!

(Stammering)

Go into incredibly

descriptive details

of the story,

so we all know.

Oh, yes. (Sighs)

It was dora and Diego

and swiper.

Swiper?

Who was that you

choked out, man?

He hit coming!

Who was that?

Boots.

No, man, that wasn't boots!

Boots isn't a real name!

You got to tell them

the real story, man.

Start over from the top.

That's a madeup name.

I can't believe the punks

I have to deal with

these days.

It really makes me

when we h

professionals around.

You want to

check out the goods?

Check it out.

And shut up. Right?

Where'd you find

this gringo, man?

At the fucking

mumford & sons concert

and shit? (Laughs)

(Softly) What is it?

Guns? Drugs?

(Hissing)

(Screaming)

No! No!

Dude!

It's gross!

It's inking in my mouth!

I'll get it off.

Its tentacle is eating me!

It's so strong!

It's really on there, man.

It's biting my face!

(Screams)

Shit!

Black market exotic animals,

just like we expected

to be in there.

The accents

are gone, huh?

Take them out, guys.

They're cops.

(Guns firing)

What was that?

I don't know!

I think we're moving.

We're definitely moving!

Jenko: There's fucking

birds and shit in here!

There's actual shit!

Schmidt: What the fuck?

There's a fucking

dragon in here!

(Screeching)

(Screaming) Shit!

What was that?

Dude, that was our car.

We shared so much

in that car!

I'm going to shoot

them in the face for that!

That was our fucking car!

What are you doing?

Don't teen wolf

on the truck!

Don't leave me here alone!

Then get up here!

I can't do that!

Then fucking climb around.

Come on, climb around.

Let's go.

Come on, buddy.

You got it.

Schmidt:

This is so scary!

Shoot him!

Schmidt: Don't leave me

out here!

I'm all out.

You stupid moron!

That's it. Come on.

(Grunting)

Fucking get up here.

Come on.

Fuck!

All right, you good?

Yeah!

All you got to do

is walk now, okay?

Okay.

(Screams)

Shit!

What the fuck

are you doing?

Get up here!

I can't!

All right, fine,

I guess I'll just

drag you.

I'm gonna die!

You're not gonna die.

Just get the fuck up here!

(Schmidt continues screaming)

(Tires screeching)

Pull yourself up here.

Use your core!

You got it, you got it.

Come on, come on.

Yeah!

All right.

Think you can stand

on your own now?

Yes!

I think we lost them.

Shit!

He's the fucking

Terminator!

That's fucking dangerous!

You are under arrest!

Pull the truck over!

I said pull

the fucking truck over

right fucking now!

You owe me a car,

and it'd better be

a fucking lamborghini,

you bitch!

I did it!

You have the right

to remain silent.

Oh, shit!

(Both screaming)

Holy Moses!

Schmidt: Shit.

(Jenko grunts)

Jenko: What happened?

Schmidt:

I think they got away.

Is that a hickey?

Oh. This was actually

an octopusrelated incident.

I'd opened a crate

and the octopus h

leapt onto my face.

Apparently, they have

many, many arms.

They have eight tentacles.

Yes, and...

Look, ladies,

nobody gave a shit about

the jump street reboot

when you first came on.

Anyone with half a brain,

myself included,

thought it was destined

to fail spectacularly.

But you got lucky.

So now this department

has invested

a lot of money to make sure

jump street keeps going.

We've doubled

their budget.

As if spending twice the money

guaranteed twice the profit.

(Laughing)

Like that's going

to work.

Yeah. Well,

the commissioner's convinced

this debacle happened

because you weren't

doing the same

undercover student thing

you did the first time.

She doesn't get

that it's always worse

the second time around.

You settle into

wornout roles.

One gets possessive,

the other runs away.

You begin a slow,

painful unraveling,

as all the good things

that came before

begin to be crushed

by the trash compactor

of sadness.

That doesn't sound like us.

I mean... (Chuckles)

I'm getting a divorce.

We don't want to

do the same thing.

We want to burst

through our ceiling.

And you're gonna

find another ceiling

and you got to

bust through that one,

and you just got to

keep hammering ceilings.

Okay, okay, okay.

What if we actually went

into the secret service

and, like, tried to

protect the white house?

I think...

I don't think

that would work.

I'm going to ask you

to stop talking.

I thought it was

a pretty good idea.

Do the same thing

as last time,

everyone's happy.

I can't believe

the Koreans bought

their church back.

Yeah. Good thing

there was an even bigger

abandoned church

directly across

the street.

Yeah. That's convenient.

Yes, it is convenient.

Next year, we'll probably

just be right back

across the street.

Just next door.

(Scoffs) Let's not get

aheof ourselves.

We're not ahe

of ourselves.

We're right next

to each other.

This is awesome.

Like, way more expensive

for no reason.

Look at dickson's office.

Looks like

a giant cube of ice.

How you bitches

like jump street now?

Hey!

Y'all see this shit?

jump street

is the lick.

And I got

a bigass raise

to babysit

you two fuckers again.

Designed it myself.

We got an espresso bar.

I'm thinking about

a shark tank over there.

Ooh, I like sharks.

and fuck a Korean Jesus.

Whoa! Cap, come on,

Korean Jesus

is right there.

Dickson:

That's vietnamese Jesus.

See,

this a vietnamese church.

You racist,

sacrilegious sack of shit.

Look at that.

Vietnamese Jesus

just dripping swagoo.

And we got some

new dumbass interns.

Hey, hey!

Look alive!

Huh?

(Chuckles) Boys.

Yo, jenko.

(Grunting)

Hey, schmidt!

Don't do that.

So, they want

the same shit,

so here we go.

Same identities.

Same assignment.

Jenko: We're going back

to high school?

Your ass look

You're going to mc state.

We're going to

college for real?

Somebody's out there,

they're cooking up

a new drug.

It's Adderall mixed

with ecstasy mixed

with God knows what else.

Jenko: "Wipey"?

No, you dumb motherfucker.

"Whyphy."

Stands for "work hard? Yes.

Play hard? Yes."

Now, these kids

take this shit,

and they get laserfocused

for about four hours

of studying,

and then they party

Schmidt: Who's this?

That's Cynthia Watson.

She was a student

at mc state.

She took some whyphy,

got locked out

of her dorm,

ended up

falling off the roof.

And now she's de

That's her buying drugs

on campus.

And that's the dealer.

Find him and we find

the supplier.

Sir, can I just say,

it is so refreshing

to have a case

with a black victim.

I mean,

we care so much more

because she's black.

I think what he's

really trying to say

is that we care equally.

It's a tie, really,

how much we care.

Uh... no, we're not.

If it was a white person,

I wouldn't even care.

One less crackerass

cracker to worry about.

Why every time

you speak I want to

throw the fuck up?

Infiltrate the dealer,

find the supplier.

¶ ¶

(indistinct conversations)

You all right?

Yeah.

It's just...

I'm the first person

in my family to pretend

to go to college.

Best part is we get to

do it together.

What's up, college?

What's up, bro?

Fuck high school,

right?

Fuck high school.

Oh, so tight!

Oh, this is so baller!

Beds... oh, shit.

(Groans)

Oh, dope.

That looks like cum.

That's cum.

Okay. All right.

Already got cum on

the mattress, dawg.

Welcome to college.

Fuck, yeah.

Hilarious shirt that

signals we drink alcohol.

Some bacon machine

that my mom got me.

I do not understand

how it works.

It's true.

Jenko: Super hightech

police gear.

Carte blanche with

the budget, motherfucker.

I'm going to veto

that poster.

It's a touch childish.

Okay. What do lambos have to

do with touching children?

Lambos are lame.

I get one choice.

I get one thing

that I'm not...

We have to agree.

You know what I mean?

What up, fellas? We're your

acrossthehall neighbors.

Oh, hey,

there's two of you.

You're twins.

What's up, man?

We're the yangs, man.

Kenny Yang. What's up?

Keith Yang.

What's going on?

What's going on?

Did you say the yangs?

Yeah,

ds Chinese, man.

Our mom's not Chinese.

She's black.

Oh.

She's like real black.

Like Wesley snipes black.

Exactly.

We're brothers, too.

(Both chuckling)

No. He's not kidding.

He's serious.

Oh, really?

What?

Like, one of

y'all older?

Mmmhmm.

Yeah, 'cause you got

crow's feet under

your eyes, man.

You specifically.

We're actually just

normal college age.

I mean, even if

you're a little older,

that's cool, man,

because, you know,

girls here love older dudes.

That's true.

Plus, there's m

fuckable girls here.

Mfuckable.

Especially

during spring break.

Jenko: I love spring break.

But I do have to say,

I've fucked

a thousand girls by now

and I don't know,

at the end of the day,

you just kind

of want something

that's just

a little deeper really.

Both: Yeah, balls deeper.

Jinx. Buy me a coke.

Oh, snap, we're still

saying the same thing.

This is amazing!

Carrots. Pumpernickels.

Glow sticks. Twins!

That's dope, dude.

That's so sick.

That's crazy. We have that

brother connection, too.

You ready?

Mmmhmm. Yeah.

Pirates! Baby feet!

Paper clips! Bananas!

Sun! Anger!

I don't know! Words!

Quicksand!

Shoes!

Boom!

That's hiphop, man.

Awesome.

That's great.

It's gonna

be super fun.

All right?

Same as last time.

Dude, if it's

like last time,

you're gonna have

an awesome time,

and it's gonna suck for me.

No. You're gonna have

an awesome time, too,

because I'm gonna

make sure of it.

You took a bullet for me.

That's right,

I did, and it sucked,

but I'd do it again.

No way. It's my turn.

I owe you a life debt.

(Singsong)

Coed bathrooms.

What? Oh, shit.

(Whispering) I'm not

gonna take a shit

the entire time

I'm here.

I know.

Hey.

How you doing?

Hey.

What's up?

'Sup?

Just exhausted from

inventing Facebook

or whatever website

people our age use.

Jenko: They still

have books?

I thought they just

put the books

inside the computers.

Yeah, I guess the kids

just use the stacks

to hide and have sex.

So we'll go to all

Cynthia's classes

and activities,

ask around

about the drug

and find out

who the dealer is.

Yeah, it's just

like last time.

Exactly like last time.

Dude, in human sexuality,

do you get to fuck

or do you just get

to watch people fuck?

Neither.

What the fuck am I

taking it for, then?

Now, obviously,

we've all heard

this statement before,

I've got a first

impression for you.

(Clears throat)

(Mimicking Tracy Morgan)

Oh, y'all like psychology?

Tracy Morgan.

Nobody?

(Softly) Work hard,

play hard, am I right?

Subtitling: fewat.com

You looking

for some whyphy?

Yeah, man,

that'd be sick.

Go to the police station,

walk in and ask your captain

to see the evidence room

'cause you're

a fucking narc.

I think you're mistaken.

(Laughs) You're literally

wearing your badge.

Did you really

just check to see

if you were

wearing your badge?

This guy's a fucking cop.

I didn't look down.

"Wait, Professor Jacobs,

doesn't history happen

a long time ago?"

Well, history happens...

This class is such a gut.

Hey, you guys

play football?

No, this is actually

my laptop.

Yeah, I'm taking

notes right now.

I'm kidding.

It's a football.

Mr. mcquaid?

Covalent bonds.

(Exhales loudly)

What has been the result

of the war on drugs?

Why would you ask me?

I'm not a cop.

Because this is

a college seminar,

and that's how

college seminars work.

Professor gets into

a lively conversation

with the student.

Friction creates fire,

and that leads to

lessons learned.

Well, it's definitely

harder to get drugs.

I can personally

tell you that.

The average price

of cocaine

Then your dealer's

probably selling you

some pretty steppedon shit.

(Students laughing)

Mr. mcquaid, college is

a wonderful place.

This is where

you get to decide

who you actually are,

insteof the person

that you're clearly

pretending to be right now,

which everyone

sees through,

by the way.

You got to decide,

"do I just keep

doing the same thing,

"or am I gonna

choose a different path

"and question

my convictions?"

I don't have any

prior convictions.

Why are you

saying this stuff?

That's exactly

the answer I wanted,

Mr. mcquaid!

I want you to question

what I'm saying.

This is the basis

of this whole course,

and that's the beauty

of college.

You can say

whatever you want.

You can be

whatever you want.

I mean, I have tenure.

I can really say

whatever I want.

George Washington

was a black lesbian.

The eiffel tower

is made of dildos.

They can't fire me.

I'm indestructible.

(Smacking lips)

I'm sleeping with

two of my students.

Her and her.

I actually am.

Now, just like

you did before,

I want you right now

to say whatever you want.

Say whatever you want.

Fieto.

"Fieto," not a word,

but I'm gonna accept it.

You can do whatever you want

with your life, Mr. mcquaid.

The only way you can

fail this class

is by not becoming

who you truly are.

Please respond to my text.

Male student: Okay,

we got time for just

one more improv game.

For this one,

we need a ton of

different suggestions.

So, we just need you guys

to fill in the blank

in a sentence that

we're gonna set up.

So it'll go like this.

Oh, I'm so hungry,

I wish I ha...

Tampon!

Okay, but we want...

We want it to

be actual food

so that it, like,

makes sense

with the game.

It's more fun that way.

So, uh, let's try it

one more time.

Oh, I've got to get home

so I can feed my...

Boner!

You know what?

Let's just play

the game, okay?

Girl: All right,

so what would you...

Hey, that girl's

in my psych class.

Damn, she's hot.

Go talk to her.

You come talk

to her with me.

Stop being a pussy

and go talk to her. Go.

All right, all right.

Coming to the stage,

we got...

J. Bohnes, aka...

Hey.

Hi.

I think we're in

the same psych class.

Oh, yeah. Hi.

Yeah.

"Pills! Pills!

Bills! Pills!

"Bills! A sign of

the times that rhymes

"Amanda bynes

"drop that

raggedy Andy circus

"circle jerkus..."

You guys are

the improv guys, right?

Yeah.

That's cool.

You're the guy with

the terrible suggestions.

Yeah, yeah.

You're welcome, man.

Yeah.

Thanks, guys.

Um, lady j is gonna

be up next for you.

Cynthia,

that girl who died,

she used to come here

all the time, right?

Mmm.

This piece

is called areolas.

Did you know her?

Yeah, she lived

across the hall from me.

Yeah?

So why do you care so much?

I'm... I'm writing a...

"Greedy man hands!"

...a slam poem

in her honor.

Early stages,

very early stages.

Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah.

Wouldn't it be better

just to, like,

plan the stuff out

aheof time,

and then not say it

in front of people

and embarrass yourself?

That's a thing

that people do.

That's standup comedy.

That's probably

what you should do,

because that

stuff's funny.

"My brown nipple

will produce white milk

during lactation..."

What do you think of this?

I actually think

it's really powerful.

That's cool that

you said that,

'cause I actually thought it

was really powerful, too,

when the one girl

was talking about

her nips and shit.

(Applause)

Okay, does anybody

have anything

they want to share?

Let's see what you got.

Any more poets

in the audience?

I...

I mean, do you

really do poetry?

I do, and I will.

I got somebody.

What?

Okay, we got somebody.

All right, give it up, guys.

Yeah!

Okay.

Just go up there.

All right, okay.

Okay.

No pressure.

You'll see,

it's good.

Yeah!

(Laughs)

Um...

This is a work

in progress.

So, uh...

"Slam poetry!

"Yelling!

"Angry!

"Waving my hands a lot!

"Specific point

of view on things

"Cynthia!

(Enunciating) "Cynthia

"Jesus died for

our sintheeuhs

"Jesus cried

"runaway bride

"Julia Roberts!

"Julia rob

"hurts

(laughing)

"Cynthia!

(Groans)

"Cynthia

"you're de/i>

you are de/i>

(scatting)

"You're de

that's for Cynthia,

who's de

(All applauding)

Whoo!

I don't have

a single le

I do. I hear you can

get whyphy on campus

Do you think they mean

whyphy the drug

or wifi like

the Internet?

What...

Fuck you, brain.

How did we find

the dealers so easy

the first time?

Well, his number was

literally on a sticker.

Well, let's go find

this guy's sticker.

I don't think this guy

does stickers.

Well, we need help.

We need to consult

an expert.

Kenny: Yo, dude, you shot

him in the dick, dude.

I got him

in the dick.

Yep.

"Shot him in the dick."

(Laughing)

If it isn't

Turner and hooch,

in the flesh.

Holy shit,

you are looking fit.

(Grunts)

Hey, you should get

some tips from this guy.

He's looking good.

Look at those

pectoral muscles.

That's the kind of definition

I want out of you, man.

What's up, Eric?

Hey.

Mr. Walters,

we should, um...

Or I should apologize

for, uh...

For shooting

my penis off?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Don't sweat it, brother.

I'm liberated. Totally.

You know they

gave me a vagina?

It's awesome.

You guys want

to see it?

No, no, no, no!

No, no, no.

That's fine.

All right.

Eric's seen it.

Eric's been all

up in that shit.

Isn't that right, Eric?

You guys got to get me

the fuck out of here.

Hey, guess what.

I'm Eric's bitch.

No, you're not.

Yes! I am!

I'm your bitch.

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry, honey.

I didn't mean that.

You know that, right?

I am such a bitch

when aunt flo shows up.

It bleeds so much,

it's crazy.

It's like

the elevator doors opening

in the shining.

Your vagina doesn't

fucking work, man.

Worked for you

last night. (Chuckles)

You are

so clearly forcing Eric

into this relationship.

Eric, am I forcing you

into anything?

Yes.

(Chuckles) See?

Look, they sent us

in undercover

at a college

to find the dealer

of this new synthetic,

and no one will

tell us anything.

That's 'cause

you guys look like

fucking narcs, all right?

College kids

aren't dumb like Eric.

I was supposed

to go to Berkeley.

Well,

they gave us a picture,

so we do have that.

Well, that's your le

motherfucker!

That's what you start with.

I know,

but we can't see his face,

so we don't know who it is.

"We don't know who it is.

"I'm schmidt. My pants

are filled with doody."

(Groans) That's you.

That doesn't sound

anything like me.

You sort of

sound like that.

That doesn't sound

anything like me.

"That doesn't sound

anything like me."

It's not not you.

Eric! Close your eyes

and tell me who's

talking right now.

(Babbling)

That's schmidt

being a little bitch.

That's just not

a good impression.

Walters: Whoa!

Nice job, super sleuths.

Did you even

bother to look at

the fucking picture?

Yeah.

Huh?

There's a reflection

right here.

Your fucking guy's

got a tattoo.

Find the tattoo,

find the dealer.

Fuck, man, I don't know.

I do a lot of stupid

tattoos to drunk kids.

Do you remember

that stupid tattoo?

Tattoo artist:

A bazooka?

Think I might have did it

on a football player.

Guy with a red mohawk.

I don't know.

They all start to

look the same to me.

I think I know exactly

who he's talking about.

(Grunting)

Fuck you!

Fuck you,

you little walkon fuck!

I can't, like, move around

in these things.

Rooster: God,

I love walkon day!

(Whispers) Fuck, yeah.

That's a weird time

to be qtipping.

You're all fucking pussies!

Dude, you don't

have to do this.

What?

I just don't want

you to get hurt.

I'm not gonna get...

Whoops.

(Grunts)

Shit. Whoa.

Dude, I am so sorry.

It's all right, man.

Don't worry about it, man.

Are you sure?

All right...

Yeah. Ow.

Shit.

I got it.

Okay, I got it,

I got it.

Ow!

That's fine.

I'll get it.

No, no, let me get it,

let me get it.

No, I got it.

Let me just get it.

No, let me get it.

I got it, I got it.

Let's just...

Dude, I'm sorry.

I got my qtip

in your meat, bro.

No, man, I got my...

I got my meat

in your qtip.

It's like a whole

new type of sandwich.

Like, a meat qtip.

(Chuckles)

Like a meatqute.

(Both giggling)

That's funny.

Hey, you guys want

some of this sandwich?

It's a meatqute

sandwich.

Me and this guy are

having a meatqute.

(Laughing)

You're hilarious, dude.

What's your name?

Br Wait...

Br

Uh, yeah, yeah,

it's Br

I'm zook.

Nice to meet you.

Zook.

Nice to meet you,

too, man.

Set, hut!

¶ ¶

(laughs)

You love walkon day now?

(Groans)

Your arm all right?

You want to take

that sleeve off?

No, I'm good.

Dude, holy shit, bro.

Great fucking catch, dude.

If you see that

safety line up that deep,

though, hit me quicker.

Oh, yeah, I didn't know

you hwheels

like that, bro.

It's funny, 'cause

he's my brother. So...

Um...

Hey, uh, you know, we have

this rush party at zeta.

but I thought, you know,

you could come by

and meet the guys.

It'd be really fun,

I think.

Great.

Yeah, maybe we will.

Are you guys,

like, together?

Yeah.

Yeah, this is my bro.

(Laughing) That's...

Funny, dude. You're funny.

Oh.

Uh, really?

Wow. Um, okay.

Yeah, man, sure.

You, too, you can come, too.

We'll see what we can do.

Also, I said

a bunch of stuff earlier

that you didn't

acknowledge...

Great catch.

Cool, yeah.

See you then.

So you won't

address that?

What the fuck's up

with that guy?

All we have to do now

is rush the frat

long enough

to confirm that

rooster has that

bazooka tattoo.

Look, man, do you think

it's cool if you come?

'Cause, I mean, he kind of

really just asked me.

I just don't want

to start off

on the wrong foot

with this guy.

(Laughs)

Dude, you're tripping.

We do everything together.

You should lose

the puka shells, though.

Things are different

since you didn't

go to college.

(Music playing)

Yo, Br

What's up, dude?

Same puka, dude.

You got the same...

Puka bros.

Zook: Holy shit!

(Both laughing)

Look at him,

it's, like, all the same.

Dude, you wear pants, too?

What? Bros, man.

Dude.

I knew we were gonna be

connected, just like that.

Yeah, why don't you guys

just tie your dicks together

and get married,

right, rooster?

Rooster. What's up, bro?

You look good, man.

What's up, rooster?

How you doing, man?

Digging the puka.

Thanks, dude. I can't

believe it's the same...

How you doing,

rooster?

Rooster is

getting some pop.

Why don't you

go check him out?

Jenko: You in the zone, bro?

Zook: In the fucking zone,

dude.

(Imitating explosions)

Hey. What's up?

What's up? I'm rooster.

Oh, yeah, no.

We've met before.

Oh, really? I don't

remember that at all.

You must just have

a really plain face.

Yeah. They call me

ol' plain face.

They call you that?

So, do you have any body art

or, like, any ink I could see?

That's a pretty

random question.

Hey, anyway, it was so nice

chatting with you, man.

Nice to meet you, man.

Yo, what the fuck, bro?

Yo, what the fuck

are you doing, dude?

You serious

right now?

You...

You're being weird.

You've been weird.

Jenko: It was just like,

"what am I hearing?

"What am I hearing

right now?"

And the psychic

told you that?

Yo.

That is so crazy, dude.

Hey, dude, you want to

go see the roof?

Fuck yeah, I want to

see the roof, dude.

Come on, let's go,

let's go. Come on.

Come on to the roof,

come on to the roof.

Let's go.

Jenko: Come on, you can do it.

Come on, come on, come on!

(Laughing)

I miss climbing so much.

Come on, let's go. Come on.

All right, uh...

One more time.

I'm just gonna go home.

I don't know parkour, so...

All right.

Hey, Maya angelou!

(Laughs)

Poetry, okay.

I got it. (Chuckles)

Make fun

of the poetry major.

So, I guess you have

no interest

in having a real job

in the future.

Absolutely not.

No, right?

(Both laugh)

What about you?

Um, I'm an art major.

Okay. So you definitely

cannot talk any shit,

'cause...

No, I can't. I cannot.

...you're never gonna

make any money. (Laughs)

I'm never gonna

make any money,

so don't tell

my parents, but...

When I talk to

your parents tonight,

I will not tell them

about your major.

Okay, thank you.

You're welcome.

All right, art major.

What do you

think about that?

Um, I would say that

it's these two beings

leaning up

against each other

in perfect balance.

If one were to fall,

they would just

lose each other.

So it's just

about

You can't admit

that it looks

exactly like testicles?

(Laughing) That's exactly

what it looks like.

So, is there someone

who supports you?

No, I'm just

one of those people

that really likes to

spend time with myself.

Tell me about it.

I love to be alone.

I am, like,

the best at it.

I just love when you're

sitting there in a room,

and you're just there

with your thoughts,

and you're like,

"oh, my gosh, I'm alone.

"Would anyone ever

love me?" Or whatever.

And, like, "do I know

anyone who would care

"if I just ever came out

of this room or not?"

Or whatever and, like...

I don't know.

It's just peaceful.

I just like it.

Yeah.

Well, if you don't want

to be alone tonight,

we are gonna go hang out

at the art building,

if you want to come.

Okay, okay.

Okay. Okay.

(Music playing)

(Cheering)

I expected tonight

would go in a way that

you wouldn't expect,

but what I didn't expect

was tonight would go

in the exact way

that you would expect.

You know what I mean?

Totally.

So you guys

hang out here a lot?

Yeah. I mean,

we're not into the whole

frat party kind of stuff.

We like to sit around,

just drink some good wine

and talk about

some important stuff.

Banging bitches

and getting wasted

all fucking day.

Those are, like, two of

my favorite things to do.

You are, like,

a slightly less

attractive version of...

Picasso?

Picasso.

Right? I've been

told that before.

You remy mind.

(Laughing) What?

(All exclaiming)

(All cheering)

(Sighs)

Oh, that's

Cynthia Watson's room.

Oh.

I thought it was late.

Do you want to come in?

I usually go to dinner at,

Sure, yeah, why not?

Rooster: I'm gonna do it.

I just got to get it

at the right angle.

(Groans)

Dude, stop.

Rooster:

Stupid fucking goalpost!

It's impossible.

You can't fucking do it.

The fans used to

rush the field

after every win

and tear down

the goalposts,

and coach hated it.

And so he cemented

them in.

They storm the field,

and still do it,

but they just

bounce around.

Rooster: Fuck

this goalpost, bro!

You guys might

want to hold on,

'cause this shit

is coming down.

(Bellowing)

Yo, what is that?

The tattoo, what's that

right there?

Oh. Oh, this?

Mmmhmm.

It's my old high school team.

The plainview red herrings.

Look at it swim.

Shit.

What?

Shit, that's a really

outsideofthebox

high school mascot.

Hold on, guys.

Zook: Hey, why don't you

come to practice today?

I mean,

you're obviously good enough

to play on the team.

Look, I'm not

supposed to be here

to play football.

What?

I'm just here to

do my assignments

and get out,

that's it.

I mean, yeah, school's

important or whatever,

but when I was

throwing you those passes,

it was like I knew

where you were gonna be

before you went there.

You know, I hthis,

like, vision of me

throwing bullet tds

to you, dude,

and then all these fans

just started going, like...

(Quiet screaming)

"Zook! Mcquaid!

Zook! Mcquaid!"

And they were

chanting and chanting,

and then

the goalposts came down.

Dude?

I have hthat exact vision,

like, my entire life.

Dude.

Dude.

Bro?

Bro.

Dude.

Bro.

Both: Dude.

Like, well,

we fucking can, bro.

All you gotta do

is join the team.

Yeah. Why not?

Yes!

Fuck yeah, dude.

Fuck yeah, dude.

What's that?

My tattoo.

Yeah, fuck, look.

Look, it's me, zook.

Got a fucking

bazooka for an arm.

Know what I mean?

(Imitates explosion)

(Sighs)

Dude,

I'm so fucking pumped

you're gonna be on

this fucking team, bro.

(Both chuckle)

Yep.

What's up with it?

(Snorts)

How you doing?

Hi. Good.

How was the, um...

(Breathes deeply)

How was the sex for you?

It was fun for me.

It was a good time.

Yeah, right.

I enjoyed it.

Yeah.

This is why

I don't drink.

Oh.

Hey. How you doing?

I'm fine.

I mean, I'm not

listening to you guys

fornicate all night long.

Thrusting and pumping.

Okay.

I thought your hip

popped out at one point.

I'm just saying, it's,

like, all fun and games,

and then you wake up

in bed next to

Nineteen minutes late

to pinochle,

where you're meeting

your old friends

in the park?

Yeah,

that's what I meant.

Oh, my gosh,

Maya, look at him.

He's still so sharp.

That's so inspiring.

Tell us about the war,

any one of them.

You're, like,

the loudest climaxer

I've ever heard.

It was, like,

the sound of, like,

finally going off

for the first time.

Okay, well, so lovely

talking with you.

(Sighs)

You're a lovely person.

Hmm.

Nice to meet you.

(Door opens)

(Whispering)

Oh, my God.

She seems nice.

(Door closes)

She's horrible.

God.

She was Cynthia's roommate,

and I felt bfor her,

so I told her I would

room with her.

So...

So you probably

have a bunch of stuff

that you have to do today.

Right?

No.

Oh. Okay.

Look, I just

want you to know

I'm not, like,

a "hit it and quit it"

type of fella.

I'm, like, a "hit it,

"continue to hit it both

physically and emotionally"

kind of guy, so...

Hey, Doug, you're not gonna be

weird about this, are you?

No.

I mean, you're cool

with just hooking up?

Yeah. I mean, no.

I mean, I'm gl

you said something.

'Cause I don't even know

if I like you when I'm sober.

No, I know,

and it's like,

that doesn't even hurt,

like, at all.

Okay, so, um...

I'm gonna...

I'm gonna split.

I'll text you later.

Great, that was great sex.

You're good at it.

And I'll text you,

three to five minutes

or something?

(Door opens)

All right.

¶ ¶

what the fuck is this?

This is bullshit.

Are you two

fucking around

at school again?

Hey, we got to

pay for this shit.

We need results!

No, no, no.

Look, we are

looking aggressively

for this very

specific tattoo.

Or the tattoo could

just be a deend.

What the fuck?

It's the same case!

Do the same thing.

Well, it's not exactly

the same case, 'cause

one of us

got laid last night.

Schmidt?

Shh.

Don't wake up my dick.

Flew in on the redeye,

hasn't gotten

a wink of sleep.

Damn.

We're talking missionary.

We're talking missionary.

We're talking

when I'm on top

and she's on her back.

She's smart,

she's an art major.

She can't be that smart.

She's a fucking art major.

Come on.

I will give you

some daps, schmidt.

Give me some

motherfucking daps, man!

Come on,

give me some.

Give me some.

Come on!

Jenko:

My human sexuality class

is blowing my mind.

Did you know

I used gay slurs

in high school?

Yes, directed at me.

Dude, I am so sorry

for being a homophone.

Are we gonna talk about

how weird you were

today with dickson?

Look, I don't think

the tattoo means

what you think it means.

I mean, for all we know,

a lot of people

could have that tattoo.

This tattoo?

This absurdly

specific tattoo?

Name one other person

who has this.

For starters,

zook has it.

Zook has the tattoo?

What the fuck?

We've been looking for

this tattoo for days!

Do you understand

this means zook

is the dealer?

I really want

you guys to hang out.

We have hung out.

He's completely

ignored me.

I'm sorry,

but we're gonna have to

investigate your new bff.

We're gonna put

cameras everywhere,

and we're gonna monitor

the fuck out of

what he's doing.

We can't just walk

into zeta house

and just put up a bunch of

fucking cameras, okay?

There's dudes

there everywhere.

All right, your plan

is stupid. I'm sorry.

My plan is stupid?

That's interesting.

What... okay.

I'm, like,

basically done

fucking watching your shit

all the fucking time.

Okay, yeah, exactly.

I'm the fucking

stupid one. Yeah.

Oh, that's really

fucking stupid.

Man, it must be hard

being so different.

We're exactly the same.

It makes everything

so much easier.

Guys, can you just

give us some space?

We're really trying to

figure something out,

and we need

to focus, okay?

You're not gonna have

trouble focusing, man.

Yeah, man,

those krispie treats

got mwhyphy in them.

Kenny: We made a batch

for the whole dorm, man.

I've eaten six of these.

Kenny: Then you're gonna

be real focused.

Keith: Be real focused.

In about four hours,

you're gonna be tripping.

You're fine.

You're gonna be

all right, man.

Who sold you whyphy?

Nobody sold it to us.

Yeah, man, Cynthia

gave us a butt lo

and in exchange,

we wrote her

logic paper for her.

All right.

All right, man,

we'll see you guys later.

Enjoy the food.

Maybe this is

a good thing.

(Door closes)

let's use that focus

to figure out a way to

get into zook's house.

You feel anything?

No. Do you feel anything?

No, but I have a super

high tolerance for...

(Panting)

I'm so focused.

I'm so focused, too.

You don't have to

be on top of me.

Yes, I do.

Why?

Camouflage.

Go.

(Cans clattering)

Let's go.

Male student:

No fucking way.

Okay, so no?

Dane? All right.

Out, all right.

Bull'seye.

Bingo.

That helmet

looks kind of lame.

You know

what's not lame?

Safety.

(Whirring)

What are you doing?

I'm cutting glass.

It's a laser pointer.

It can't cut glass.

What?

That's no fun at all.

I'm so focused.

Let's do this.

I'm so focused.

Let's do this.

(Whirring)

Give me another.

I don't have

any more cameras.

You don't need to

drill so many holes.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, that one's perfect.

Okay, you can do that one.

I don't have

any more cameras.

I've said it five times.

All right. Okay.

That's the last of 'em.

(Beeping)

Time to prove that

zook's the dealer.

Jenko: Or not the dealer.

Next up is Brmcquaid.

(All agreeing)

Right? Yes.

Yes!

Obviously, right?

I mean, the guy's...

The guy's alltime.

You guys, let's be honest.

I mean, like, he was

opening up beer cans

with his eyeballs.

That's so sweet of them.

So Br.. Brs in.

Uh, Doug mcquaid.

No!

He's a bag of dicks!

He's Brs brother.

He follows him

around everywhere,

so I doubt we get

Brwithout Doug.

That's not true.

I have a serious

girlfriend.

I got a bfeeling

about this guy, dude.

Why? Why?

I was talking to him

for a second.

He's got a big mouth,

okay?

I feel like he could fuck

this whole thing up for us.

See, you're fucking this up.

You talk way too much.

That guy is harmless, dude.

Look at him, he's nice.

Rooster: He looks like

eighth grader.

Zook: He's gonna be fine.

I'm just saying,

the kid sucks.

Okay, and Br

Brcould be,

like, our guy.

He could, like,

be a part of our thing.

"Our thing"?

Yeah.

Shh. I'm trying to hear

them be nice about me.

This is fucking

bullshit. Shit!

Shit.

Is somebody up there?

Shit.

We got to

get out of here.

Did you lock the door?

I did, man.

I checked twice.

Go, go!

I'm so focused, dude.

Shit.

No, you're just paranoid

because we're about

to trip balls.

No, I'm paranoid

because it could

be dangerous.

No, we're fine.

Look, we made it.

We made it.

It's all good.

Schmidt: Oh, shit!

(Screaming)

Help! Help!

What's happening!

Jenko: What the fuck?

Jenko: (Panting)

I can't breathe.

They made us!

They're gonna kill us!

Jenko!

Where are you going?

Oh, fuck!

I'm having a btrip!

We're having a btrip!

I think

we are tripping, but...

God, isn't this great?

My side's so much

scarier than yours.

Oh, shit,

your trip sucks.

You should come over here.

It's way better.

Okay.

(Thud)

(Groans)

It's some kind of

weird split screen!

(Laughing)

Hello, football.

Jenko! Jenko!

I finally got

my lambo!

Hey, schmidt, look!

Look! Look!

(Laughing)

(Thunder rumbling)

(Dance music playing)

(Somber rock ballplaying)

My legs are tired.

Help! No more music!

You'll always be alone.